alright people! no pics today.. haha.

hmm.. seems like so long since i last blogged. haha. well. ok. lets start by what happened..yesterday.

ok. ytd. nothing happened. darling jus din go sku cos sick. today also.. hummx.. nth else more special other than that.. den.x.. oh yah. i recently downloaded window blinds. haha. cool. now i got new desktop theme ya?  mac theme. haha.. so cooL! jus that cannot make that mac taskbar onli. haha.. overall i give it a 8/10. =D

so.. today. err.. randford's graphic and sound card screwed up.. maybe hardware problem. too hot liao? =P. aniwaes.. his mum's friend[tech guy so he calls him] coming to his hse tmr. so shuldnt be a probbie. \m/ (^.^)

hrmm. joshua! thanks for the B chord. and, shaun! its not A chord the two fingers move down two frets. u muz move one string up each too =D its a B, D#, F#. thanks joshua! =P.. but i dont kno what strings to strum lei? got open string anot.. which strings? =P. okie. so its.. 1st, 2nd and 3rd string, 1st[e] 2nd fret. 2nd[B] 4th fret. 3rd[G] 4th fret.. thats the B dude! woot. haha. =D. thanks. ok. well.. something touching and sad for all of u out there.

Family Misunderstanding

>
> > Hello dear friends,
> >
> > This is a very very very very long article.... please bear with it and
> > try to read it.  Its really meaningful and touching so hope you won't
> > mind me sharing this hell of a long story with you.  In fact, I reckon
> > its a true story so........
> >
> > Smiles!
> >
> > Subject: Fwd: Misunderstanding within Family (Story)
> >
> > Part 1...
> >
> > A fatal misunderstanding and the person who love me the most in this
> > world is gone forever.
> >
> > This is a true story, taken from "Family" (dictated by LD, edited by
> > LSX, translated by SaFe).
> >
> > Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful
> > footsteps to our family. Our original intend of having Mother enjoy
> some
> > quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went
> terribly
> > wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing
> > became too late.
> >
> > Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking
> > Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years
> > with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young.
> > Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide
> for
> > him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she
> > suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman
> to
> > bring hubby to where he is today.
> >
> > I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a
> > balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant some
> > greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me
> up
> > and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down,
> he
> > said: "Lets go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love
> to
> > rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at
> any
> > moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument
> > and both of us refuse to back down, he would pick me up and spin me
> over
> > his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became
> > addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.
> >
> > Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her.
> For
> > example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room,
> she
> > could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young
> > people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't
> eat
> > the flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our
> > mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and
> > hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get
> > use to it."
> >
> > Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever I
> > came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her
> > and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when
> I
> > come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every
> item
> > how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even
> > more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You
> > little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would
> > solve it." There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.
> >
> > Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the
> breakfast.
> > In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the
> > breakfast table, mother facial _expression is always like the dark
> > clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She
> > would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent
> > protest. As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and is
> > exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up
> > the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and
> > hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.
> >
> > From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon
> > her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep
> all
> > kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later
> on,
> > and that resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags;
> she
> > would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes
> > and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash they again.
> One
> > day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and
> "Bam"
> > she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby
> was
> > placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me
> > for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting
> > cute, but he totally ignored me. I got mad and asked him: "What did I
> do
> > wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her
> > once? we couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it
> is,
> > right?"
> >
> > After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak
> to
> > me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in
> the
> > house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as
> to
> > who to please.
> >
> > In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took
> > on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any
> > prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily
> > eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having
> > failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing
> breakfast
> > situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.
> >
> > That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD,
> is
> > it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you
> > chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me
> > alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some
> time,
> > hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am
> > left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.
> >
> > The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt
> a
> > sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up
> > my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I couldn't. I
> > threw down the bowl and rushed into the washroom and vomited
> everything
> > out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and
> grumbling
> > very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway
> > staring at me with fire burning in his eyes. I opened my mouth but no
> > words came out of it, I really didn't mean it.
> >
> > We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us,
> then
> > stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a
> final
> > stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs.
> >
> > For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I
> was
> > so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and
> putting
> > up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep
> > having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for
> food,
> > coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at the low point
> in
> > my life. Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible, you should
> > go and see a doctor."
> >
> > The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now it became clear to me why
> I
> > threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that
> > otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been
> through
> > this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that
> > day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had
> > only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and
> > leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and
> > called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he
> > pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his
> > eyes that cut right through my heart.
> >
> > I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that
> > moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby:
> > "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me
> > round in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in
> the
> > cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even
> > withstand the test of one fight? Back home, I lay on the bed thinking
> > about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet
> the
> > corner of the blanket.
> >
> > That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the
> > lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was
> removing
> > the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank
> > deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really
> intends
> > to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and
> > money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming
> > down again.
> >
> > The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and
> have
> > a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me
> a
> > weird look and said: "Mr Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is
> now
> > in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and
> > by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did
> not
> > look at me, his face was expressionless.
> >
> > I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control
> the
> > tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the
> funeral,
> > hubby did say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted
> > stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident
> > from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked
> in
> > dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old
> > house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to
> walk
> > faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit
> > her...
> >
> > I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown
> up
> > that morning, if we had not quarreled, if...
> >
> > In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.
> >
> > Part 2 and end...
> >
> > Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong
> > liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self pity
> > and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we
> > are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in
> > his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back
> > in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough
> > scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at
> all.
> >
> > Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by,
> hubby
> > came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were
> > living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like
> the
> > dead knot in his heart.
> >
> > One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass
> > window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very
> > lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After
> > recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood
> in
> > front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I
> have
> > nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything.
> >
> > The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go,
> hubby
> > stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me,
> > challenging me. I can only hear my slow heartbeat, beating, one by one
> > as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood
> > that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.
> >
> > That night, he did not come home, he had chosen to use that as a way
> to
> > indicate to me: Following mother's death, so did our love for each
> > other. He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I
> > returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched
> -
> > he had returned to take some of his stuff.
> >
> > I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything
> > to him vanished.
> >
> > I lived alone; I went to my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks
> > again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife
> > through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to
> > consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not. I insisted on
> > having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for
> causing
> > her death.
> >
> > One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The
> > whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table,
> there
> > was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even
> > looking at it.
> >
> > In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to
> find
> > peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You
> wait
> > a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes,
> just
> > like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You
> cannot
> > cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let
> > tears come out from there.
> >
> > After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging
> tummy.
> > I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pull e paper towards me.
> > Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and
> pushed
> > the paper to him.
> >
> > "LD, you are pregnant?"
> >
> > Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I
> could
> > not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said:
> > "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we
> > sat, facing each other.
> >
> > Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart,
> > everything seems so far away, so far that even if I should sprint, I
> > could never reach them.
> >
> > I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me, I had
> > originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the
> > western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold cold look in his
> > eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scar in each
> > other's heart. For me, its unintentional; for him, totally
> intentional.
> >
> > I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized
> > now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated! Other
> > than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to
> > my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he
> > buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking
> to
> > him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and
> love
> > had vanished from my heart.
> >
> > Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks
> > in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep
> in
> > mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of
> > groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever
> I
> > ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out
> what
> > is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten
> > that last time, I cared for him and am concerned because there is
> love,
> > but now, what is there between us?
> >
> > Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing all the way till baby was
> > born. Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant
> > products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and
> > bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is
> trying
> > to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his
> actions.
> > He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his
> > typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web
> > surfing, but none of that matters to me anymore.
> >
> > It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one
> > late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came
> > rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had
> > been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs,
> > stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat
> > off my brown, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached
> > the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying
> > on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind:
> In
> > my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?
> >
> > He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in, his warm
> eyes
> > caused me to managed a smile at him despite my contraction pain.
> >
> > Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, his
> > eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his
> > hand.
> >
> > Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the
> floor.
> > I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that
> tired
> > eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him,
> > but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my
> > body at that moment.
> >
> > Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it
> > was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to
> > last this long. I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had
> > cancer? Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying:
> "Prepare
> > for his funeral." I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home,
> I
> > went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain
> hits
> > me.
> >
> > Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and
> I
> > had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he
> wrote
> > for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take
> a
> > look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in
> your
> > life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I
> > can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But
> > daddy now no long has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all
> the
> > possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your
> > lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's
> > suggestion... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as
> if
> > I have accompanied you through your life journey. To be honest, daddy
> is
> > very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who
> > loves you most and also the one who loves me most..."
> >
> > From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work
> > and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small
> was
> > written there.
> >
> > Hubby has also written a letter for me:
> >
> > "My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the
> pain
> > I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because
> I
> > want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our
> > baby... My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and
> I
> > would smile, thank you for loving me... These presents, I'm afraid I
> > cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some
> > of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all
> > written on the packaging..."
> >
> > Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son
> > over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I
> want
> > our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..."
> >
> > He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still
> in
> > his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the
> > button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang thought the air
> > as tears slowly rolled down my face...
> >
> > The End...

sniffles. so touching right?? sad story.. sniff. haha. no im not crying. =p.ok.. today's the. 18th of aug.. ooh. vanessa's birthday[22nd aug] coming up. followed by audrey's[24th aug] then mine! =D [26th aug] haha. oh well. lotsa ang pow! den can use for guitar. =D. or the best. buy electric guitar for mi bday! woot. =PpP. haha.. wellx. i cant go on liaos. tired. eyes are tired too. haha. shit. have to do tuition hwk.. arrgh.x =D. kaes. nite ppl. love u darling! muakxxx..

eugene.