 |
 MagiCbeGiNz
My Info Name : Lim Fang Jun, Eugene Age : 14 Bdae : 26th August 1990 School : Temasek Secondary.. [Yea man! TMS Rox!]
|
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sunday, September 19, 2004
sadly people.i wun be blogging for the rest of my puny sucky shitty little life anymore.
NOT.
haha. its jus a change of blog k. goes by the name of
http://magicbegins.blogspot.com
alright? so jus change all ur links and update ur favs. its CTRL + D to add to ur current page to favourites.
alright.. tonight will be the last post i'm going to post here. i shall try my best to stick to the truth, and nt to exaggerate, [i admit. i exagerrated some things on this blog, but mainly truth. i mean, who doesnt wanna add spice to their post by exagerrating a little? haha.] so there. i'll try to make my last post as cheerful as possible
OW WTF I JUS SMASHED MY FINGERS ONTO MY GUITAR's TOP. the part where u turn to tune? yeah. Fuck! hurts! owww. STUPID GUITAR.
ok nvm abt that. haha. well. i almost spilt the entire bottle of water. aha! but the cap was closed.
i just realised that. this is the first time i impulsively called my guitar STUPID. well. sorry baby! ur nt stupid k? just lack a brain. so i cant measure ur "smartness" or IQ. u dont have a brain. haha.
anyways, today been long. i wanted to buy a present for germaine. i din bring enuff money! i onli brought two bucks. and had to take twelve frm my mom. spend 3.80 on lunch, 2 bucks for offering. left 5 dollars. hw to buy! i wanted to get that squishy thingie.. dno wad inside. but. 5 DOLLARS. the thingie was 20 bucks. i mean. 25 bucks* so. well. din have enuff cash. randford that bloody pig spent everything on food. skittles, auntie ann, m&ms.. he's a pig. honestly. haha.
so i went around looking for smt affordable. cldt find anything that cld fit my budget of 7 bucks. ran had 2 dollars left. oh wait. stupid boy went to buy skittles and m&ms with the 2 dollars. sucks. lol. so 5 dollar budget. i cldnt find. i went to tower records.. ran wanted to find maroon 5 - songs about jane. well. true enough, we could not find it! haha. no cash to buy either. so din ask cashier. i wanted to buy the blink-182 album for germaine. but .. i think she'd have all of them by now. i thought. sum41 wld be good. but.. no money. so oh well. going to parkway tmr to get the present.
well.. anyone care to comment? flood my last post with comments please. joon tat! u can type a lot one. wisdom pls! hmm. charmaine! u cld help by commenting smt cute.. ran! comment! and all my meimeis! COMMENT!! plus gran. COMMENT! haha. strangers can comment too. desperate for comments here. =) thanks for visiting this blog ppl. i love all my viewers! dont feel left out! ANYONE deserves to comment. alright? PEACE OUT!
\m/ (^.^)
eugene
REMEMBER. its
http://magicbegins.blogspot.com
ok? so go there! not here anymore!
Posted at 11:05 pm by MagiCbeGiNz
Permalink
Saturday, September 18, 2004
why cant i concentrate studying?
well.. today.. is a beautiful day. the birds are chirping. and trees are swaying. and im looking into the sky playing my guitar.the skies are blue, i see u once again, my love. over seas from coast to coast. to find the place i love the most, where the fields are green. i see u once again.. my love.
any of u remember that song? its westlife - my love. i guess what i realli need is a place to call my own. where i can go to and reach out for peace. serenity. without all this human noise. i pretend to be on the cloud. looking down to earth. i see the mishaps happening.. and i wonder if life really is that beautiful. sure there are peaks at sometimes, are there negative peaks too? valleys?
question : eugene! what got into u now? why are u in this state?
answer : i dont really know either. im going to start memorising the format for my chinese letter writing later. i need some help. my compo and letter writing paper starts on monday, and i havent started revising yet. is this really ME? the same me that came into temasek sec 1 yr and 9 months ago? i dont think so.. i've changed. definately.
i come in with a blur look. i mix with the chongzheng ppl.. i stick with my own friends.. im so anti-social. was just another lost soul out in the secondary school world. look at me now.
i go to school waving here and there.. hardly mix with the CZ guys anymore.. with the exception of those who are related to me, CCA, class, psl? now my friends are.. well. just of a different calibre. i have one good friend who's exceptionally outstanding in his english language, just overly expressive. sometimes overly aggresive too. LOL. esp towards teachers.. then i have another gd friend who's always fooling around. maybe not always, but most of the time. haha.. he's very funny and a great bud to have when u need to be cheered up. =D. also, another one who's ultra strong, quite cute, but oily! haha. also another good bud to have.. nearly all of u readers shld kn who im talking about here. love all my friends!
well.. im nw changing. metamorphasis. i wanna block myself from the world and just appear anew again.. sadly it isnt possible. well. nvm..
i spent nearly the entire afternoon trying to get a song/poem out. for germaine mei.. with the help of kimberly mei. and xinyi gran was trying to help too.. i dont know why.. im in no entire way deprived of my social needs.. im in NO ABSOLUTE way lacking of friends. be it guy or girl. im absolutely not lacking there. why do i feel so lonely? i wish weichoy and changsong never sent a single sms to her using my fone. then nothing like this wld be happening. then maybe i cld concentrate doing my chinese. exams are on monday. paper 1. sian. i dun even kno my format for chinese letter writing. the format. i dont even know it. im a dead man. well i do know the format. but nt sure. i'll have to revise.
anw, i wanna say sorrie to germaine for anything i've even done to irritate u, get u into trouble, anything that made u angry with me. im so sorry. can i have my bubbly, cheerful, smiling meimei back? please? time waits for nobody. i just want to spend the remaining of my time in tms as a happy schoolboy of a fourteen yr old mentality. just to be the real who i am. to leave tms with happy memories. not broken ties and lost contacts. seeing each other only when i return to temasek sec. i wanna see all of u in my memories. this year. is coming to an end. some of u may not notice. but. its only.. 1 more month to the end of my streaming year. im going to leave Officially in less than 2 months. there are only 3 months left. school's closed during november or december this yr? O levels are when? thats when my relationship with academic temasek sec ends. i wanna be here always, to support everyone who has been there to support and give me encouragement whenever i needed it. i wanna be at a farewell party where i can just sit down and think back at the past 2 years. give a big giant hug to everyone. and have the courage to talk to a few people one on one. to say how i really felt all along. will my wish me fulfilled? that remains to be seen. i'll blog abt it when it happens. in e meantime, i hope the school does include us in Graduation Day and Grad Night. look. we're graduating frm sec sch and moving on arent we? sad as it is, its the truth. and the truth hurts. [thanks to josh that i rmbed that line]. the truth hurts.
eugene
[misses all his darling meimeis. luv all of u.]
Posted at 09:10 pm by MagiCbeGiNz
Permalink
well.. today was pretty normal. jus that during recess i went up to 1/3. explained e situation to germaine.. and whacked prasan[is that hw u spell it?]. but i got a blueblack on my hand instead. maan that dude is made of STEEL. haha..
2nd period after recess came to an end. chinese over. during chinese i was writing a letter. well.. yeah just a letter which i passed to germaine. i wish i never told her anything, so that we cld continue to be normal friends. i guess i just need someone to talk to at times. maybe thats why.. well.. i get into so many things. well.. maybe? oh yes, did i mention? i was filing, buffing and then shining my nails for the last two periods. science. stupid relief. sucks. lol.. anw, i asked vanessa for permission to bring e file home. so here i am.. shiny shiny lala. =p..
haha. ok. after sch.. went for psl meeting.. den went home liaos. =p.. supposed to go changsong hse play mahjong one. last minute cs say mom dun allow.. since i went for psl meeting.. weichoy and e rest left for siglap mac first ma.. so.. like that lor. den i go home. haha.. well.. while walking on e pavement, guess who i saw! my new friends! haha. alvan.. chester.. gan siew.. adriano.. and yong wei. haha.. yong wei living same condo as me.. i guessed that e entire gang was going to yw's hse. well. yeah sorta. haha. when i reached home i saw yw on msn.. so talked to him. denn.. he said they were going swimming. cool! im going! haha.. i brought my tanning shit down.. but didnt manage to get much of a tan. went fooling arnd. haha.. well.. yeah. saw joe and shaun. fun fun. joe lives in villa marina too! =p. well.. sorta got to kno e 2/3 gang today. =p.. fun fun..
den come home dead tired.. sun scorching.. well. dad went out for bible study nt long after.. i went online.. chat lor.. well.. nth much. den arnd 8+ my dad and mom came home. changed their mind.. well ok.. haha.. den nth much. watch tv until go crazie la. soo. yeah nth much. then watched channel 5. survivor. haha.. aft that was linkin park live in texas. whoa! their guitars are connected to a transmittor? i mean. i see the aux cable. but i dun see it connected to anywhere. it jus goes back to the guitar! how? lol. maybe got transmittor there. lol. anw, mom came up.. she talked a bit.. then i told her abt dad and grandpa the other day.. argue la! well.. ok. .my mom was quite reasonable. she asked me to write a letter/note to my dad.. saying that maybe he shld really learn to change. terrorist. lol. i have the mind to go and write him a letter. its for his own good anw. well.. tired now. 1.40 am.. sian. going to zz.. and rmb.
i want my germaine meimei and valerie meimei back as meimeis!! nothing special k.. maybe special meimeis. but nth outside "meimei". =D..
nitenite!
eugene..
Panda!!
MaGicBeGiN[s]. -> im back!
18th sept 1.40am..
Posted at 02:41 am by MagiCbeGiNz
Permalink
Thursday, September 16, 2004
I KnEw MaGicBeGiN[s] WouLd EnD SomEtiMe.
MaGicBeGiN[s] ©®
now turns to
[MaGicaL No LonGer.]
i hope to put some sense into myself at the end of this post. firstly, magicbegins has been with me for a long time. pri 5 or 6 maybe. and i dont know how i got it. well, rather i kno, but forgot how i got it in the first place. anw, i feel very attached to magicbegins. harry potter just had to use it. --". anw.. i suddenly feel that. there is no longer any magic within me. specialty lost~
nt sure why, just lost.
ok onto nxt thing. today sorta rocked.. till 6.45 or so. thats when my day turned into sucky shit. alright. after school, chang song, wei choy,[ there was supposed to be hong shan, but he stayed in school for maths remedial], and me went to study again. at siglap mac. we actually studied omg! its unbelievable. miss chia wouldnt believe a single word of it. "Wei Choy studying? impossible! that'll happen when pigs can fly." wld be what she says, i guess. haha. but we did study. i did my maths homework, got some chinese done.. then joshua came along as i was doing some maths crap.. he sure cld use some tuition! =) so we were helping out. changsong turned out to be pretty good afterall. =). but joshua, dont fret. u'd be just fine. =). anw, weichoy had changsong as a pupil, and me, joshua. for tmr's test, my marks + joshua's marks. then compare with weichoy + changsong's marks. winner gets free mac. i have confidence in you joshie!! =D..
anyway. i called my dad at around 6.15pm. told him i'd be home soon.. maybe around 6.35.. then at 6.27 i called again. told him i'm on my way home now. i live nearby siglap mac u see. so, i just walked home. thinking about how weichoy must be suffering. not to mention the students. they had to solve this super hard maths question. changsong tried and tried. cldnt get it done. neither cld josh. and josh said smt. weichoy looked at question, told us that his ans wrong. he re calculate. den ask them redo. den josh found smt strange. he told weichoy. weichoy look look, said, "wait. the question is wrong." LOL. that was the best joke of the year. both students worked so hard to try to get the question done, and yet they had to redo everything. over and over and over again. it comprised of triangular pyramid [prymid to weichoy! lol], a square [dont laugh u bastard LOL], and a circle. well.. i went off. haha..
i reached home. and i was greeted by my grandfather, my aunt, and my grandmother. haha.. myfather was on the rocking chair, looking all stern and strict as usual. bloody terrorist. he asked me "why so late?!" i told him that, "i called to tell u just now." he was like, "so? why must u be the one helping ur friends with their work? u have ur own time too u know?!" geez, selfish mentality. he just disapproves i think. and is using this as an excuse. damn. well. he asked me to go up and change. den come for dinner. so i did. grownups had to wait for my other relatives to arrive before they started. my sis and me were FORCED to eat first due to lack of eating space. so yeah that was it. after my dinner, i went into my room. i heard my dad arguing with my grandfather.
cant my dad be a little more patient and understand that, grandfather isnt his age anymore. he's 72! come on! let him be can? i mean. he's contented with chatting online everyday, let him be! and dad? dont argue with him can? sian..
well. here it went. i went out of my room into the living room area. from abve the stairs, i heard my dad arguing. and he was cutting my grandfather's sentences. rudeness.. being disrespectful.. impolite.. what are those qualities u taught me dad? and are u living by those very qualities? why do u give impatient answers? i know ur hungry. u always are. have something light if u want to wait for the rest. no point torturing urself waiting for them, and i'm sure they'd understand.. aunt and grandfather, grandmother all said go ahead. but did u? no.. u stubbornly refused. fine then. why get angry with them?! sigh. so i tried to stop the quarrel. i said, "ok calm down and stop arguing." dad, if u had shut up and not answer, it wld have been perfect. you HAD TO give me that STUPID GLARE and say, "none of ur business. u be quiet." i shrugged my arms, threw my hands into the air, then said, "i was jus trying to help." walked away feeling hurt. damn. he disappoints me to the core.
dad.. u did say u have stopped smoking. why do i still smell that stench on u? and are u really THAT addicted to porn? relax a while can? look see. if ur going to treat yeye[grandfather in chinese] this way, i guess i'll do this to u in future. there was this story..
somewhere in the world. i think it was korea. there lived a family of 3. son, father, and grandfather. the father found the grandfather useless, so put him in a basket and brought him up to the hills to let him die there. the son then told the dad, "nxt time when i grow up i shall do the same to u."
dad. u may not have put yeye into a basket [doubt he'd fit anyway] but. same concept. please be patient with him. because, if u dont, and disappoint me, ur going to face the same fate. what right do u have to scold ur father? u scold him for not being careful.. for messing up his laptop.. for doing all sorts of funny things. and i cant tell u two to stop quarelling? what logic is this. u scold me like fuck for dropping a chopstick on the table by accident. u overturn the entire bowl of soup and u laugh. saying, "accident". i really dont see why i cant scold u back u know. ur scolding yeye anyway. do u kno how it feels like?!
u disagree with almost everything i do. i change the position of my speakers, and u make a lot of noise. i move my keyboard, u dont like it. i play my guitar at night around 9.15, u say its noisy. i want to lessen the amount of sound produced by putting sponges on the door cracks, u dont allow. i wanna buy my electric guitar, which i can plug my headphones into the amp, u dun allow. dad? an electric guitar wld be less noisy than a classical one. i have headphones. i have the converter. i need the freedom. dad? i bought this classical on impulse purchase. although going through planning, i went out with around 100RM. had to borrow from friends. during church camp. anyway, u wouldn't have allowed me to buy one if u knew did u. why are u so anti-music?! no use at all in life? what the hell?! ur so totally wrong.
anyway.. well.. nothing much that i can think of. jus that.. irah. i kno ur blog has been bombarded by the temasek freestylers. they're not that bad ok? =). maybe a little too protective of their club, thus unable to take criticism, but dont diss them alright irah? and ditto for e freestylers who can find my blog. =). peace.. the freestylers are good at dancing. what can we say? but freestylers, i hope u understand that she really doesnt mean harm. =).. cheers alright?
goodnight..
eugene. the Non-MaGicaL.
16/9/2004.0011hrs.
Posted at 01:11 am by MagiCbeGiNz
Permalink
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
well.. im the kind of guy who cant drop tears. no matter how much i try. to let out all the pain. i cant cry. fyi, if u want to know when i'm depressed, it'll be when i stop saying, "haha. lol. hee. hehe." and all. u know im depressed alright. This post is dedicated to the malignment of eugene lim, i wish to put things straight, and to a stop now. not to continue anymore. lets just get on with our lives. dont write about me. it'll only make u think of me more. get another guy. u'll think of him more alright.
sure, i know i shldnt be spending time being depressed and all.. but well. just a post on things.
everytime i go home from school. i try to find peeps to go home with. otherwise i'll reach home, Very depressed. or unhappy, in my own words. i jus find this unfair. guys will always have to give in? i dont noe. do girls have to post all their problems on blogs? well. maybe guys post them too. like me, i post problems too sometimes. but.. exagerrating and making long posts abt depression.. trying to get people to symphatise? i dont really think that.. it wld be fair to the guy. u turn ur words around..
confused? not knowing what this entire post is about so far people? explanation at valwave.blogdrive.com . the comments esp. ok? well.. here's an explanation too.
i broke ur heart? im sorry that i did, even though i dont think that is a very justified statement. i wonder who initiated a breakup in the first place. well. i somehow knew that if we patched, i just wouldnt be the same again. i've seen the other side of you now. have you now seen the other side of me? the flirt? the bastard? the one who tries to find a "temporary girl" to fill that empty hole that u once filled. no offence to the girls. i mean. "temporary girl" may not be temporary. no offence. i'm just saying that this is absurd. i personally find that if we do argue, u do not have much solid argumental ground to stand on! not that i want to argue, excuse me. jus stating a few facts.
anyway.. i want to say that. i dont think i did anything wrong. the two crushes.. i'll reveal. one's germaine. one's valerie. valerie no longer exists. germaine stands. my reason? i dont know. after u broke up. i find myself just suddenly attracted to these two girls for no reason at all. maybe cos germaine's smile is just sweet, ultra friendly. and maybe i did like her a bit beforehand. valerie. i never did like her beforehand. i dont know why i fall for her suddenly. maybe its the depression. i dont know! well. different people handle their things differently. im used to handling everything on my own, i cant stand it when people tell me to do this. do that. just do it. why? dont ask just do it. my life or urs.. come on.
ok.. now.. im at a lost of what to do. maybe just go and revise maths. what. length of arc and all that crap. cos sin tan.. whatever. no mood to do anything. nw stop raining liao. otherwise i wld.. well nvm. i wun tell u guys my plan. it has smt to do with getting soaked. *note. Rain sounds louder than screams*. tried b4. then i'd take my guitar out and start plucking and strumming like mad. well.. to hell with everything.. mm. nothing much in this post. its just all described. dont know. cant be bothered. damn.
eugene
14th sept 2110hrs.
Posted at 10:10 pm by MagiCbeGiNz
Permalink
wells. sry for not posting for so long..
hi guys.. not been posting for quite long, i do know. i apologise. =D forgive me k? haha.
well. today was like any other day.. i'll chat a lil about saturday first alright? haha.. went to GIG III in the evening. rocked the entire world to the core dude! it was great praise and worship till the end. haha.. well.. lots of cool things happened.
mm.. sunday all of us woke up late. so went for 3rd service instead. went to music clef a while.. jam.. BOUGHT MY CAPO! woot. capos rule.. u bar the 7th fret and start playing lar. whether plucking or strumming, it'd be damn cool. haha. sounds veri nice. referring to classical guitars. nt sure abt acoustics, electrics and bass.
wells.. den today. sian lar. go to sku.. normal normal lor. science learn abt refraction.. maths.. mensuration. NOT menstration ar. MENSURATION. lol. area.. volume all that crap. haha.
den aft school quite fun. me, wei choy, hong shan and chang song decided to go and study. miracle right. haha.. decided on siglap mac. saw germaine at foyer.. so cute la she. lol. i find germaine very cute.. dont know why. well. today i went through yet another transformation that changed my heart.
anws, aft school.. siglap mac. i rmb the soap at the siglap toilet there very good one. haha.. anws, mc spicy chicken meal.. wells. the aircon was cold. i shivering.. lols. and.. well.. haha. i dont know why we called valerie and kela along lor. lolx. i found it a total waste of time in the end.
i mean.. well.. yeah right. im such a flirt lor.. i dont kno why.. but i just.. cant stop myself from falling in love. aiyah. fuck me la.. first.. who? i mean. i dont want to rake up old memories and put them here.. i'll jus say i had 3 before. THREE. that is so horrible of me. and i.. had a crush on two more after my third? im just so horrible. sighh.. lol. i despise ppl like me.sian. im despising myself.. wells. bish me.
anw, now onli got 1 crush. u guys have to talk to me to find out abt that one. haha.. and.. well. valerie? ur letter actually Hurt. ok? i dont noe why or how i hurt, it jus did. i was never good with feelings.. and.. well.. being hurt or smt is smt i dont know how to describe. if u let a child put his hands into boiling hot water, and tell him that the feeling he is feeling now is "Cold", then he'll say "Mom, its cold now. can i take my shirt off?" if no one can comprehend how i feel, then i dont know how to describe my feeling. my range of feeling veri big one. Happy and Unhappy. Finito. so i gave myself a metre. (-10) to 10. (-10) being least happy and 10 being most happy. like that lor.. well. nth much to say, jus that i prolly wont fall for valerie AGAIN. keep it as kor-mei kinda shit. yeah. well. late liaos. i damn tired. haha.. all that jumping frm GIG must've worn my leggies out. now muscle ache until damn tired. haha. nite ppl!
eugene.
14th sept, 0004hrs.
Posted at 01:05 am by MagiCbeGiNz
Permalink
Friday, September 10, 2004
haha. today a bit sian la. nth to do sehhs.
ok. first of all.. woke up arnd 10.30.. den msg meimei. realised that i have a dental appointment at 2 pm. so i chiong to shower and all that. cos i have to go to international plaza. my mom forced me to go check out this music shop there. 26th story, believer music. i noe its good, but come on. i dont wanna go to international plaza every week ok? =)..
so chiong dere lor. den take mrt, stand la. den reach liao.. tanjong pagar.. what happened was like this. we went to e 25th story den walked up. there was no 26 on that lift. the stairway was eerie. the entire building looked the prime suspect for a fire or a fight or smt. like those jacky chan movies. haha.. well. it was horrid! we asked alot of people, all were unfriendly.. so i called my mom. she passed the fone to my uncle who introduced us this place. he's our church friend and also my mom's centre's neighbour. so. here goes, we talked, den i asked him if everything he told me right anot. right wad.. so.. he asked me press doorbell. but there was no doorbell. he asked me to knock on e glass door then. there was no glass door! it was wooden! so we discussed, and i said i wld call him back. so i went to e main reception at 1st level and they said we need to make an appointment before coming. screwed up. wasted all my time. lol..
went back to e mrt.. den took to bedok where i saw elaine. haha. she's like. so kateh. LOL. dn. me and marsh took 14 dwn to katong where we had tuition. fun sia. lol. i go and haf lunch, den chiong to dental appointment. luckily katong also.. den i come back, i see this couple arnd my age one. haha. one fat one skinny. fat one look like girl, but i kno its a guy.. so liddat lor. haha. mum asked me to go and take letters, i go and take. den i see them agn, haha. sitting down at e bench there. haha. e girl chio lor. =p. ok. so.. take liao go up. see them playing arnd. kissing. eew. lol. jus found it disgusting.. well. ok. tuition. den go home. haha.
yesterday, marshall was introduced to a friend. the person[karman] msged him and asked him if he was marshall, and they started talking. so there. apparantly, karman said that a person named ryan gave her his number. haha.. so this morning marshall called his friend. the friend said that he didnt give any girl his number. so he questioned karman agn.. she said .. ryan something something wad jun wei one. so marshall got damn pissed. "fuck junwei. he going to die. anyhow give ppl my number" so marshall said ok. den we found out that karman was 11. LOL!! joke of e yr. haha..
ok. so marshall talked to karman e entire day.. he FELL IN LOVE WITH A PERSON HE NEVER MET. ok. well. some of u find that ok, but look. marshall said she had a very sweet voice. mus be veri chio. im not critisising or anything, but i told marshall that girls with sweet voices are USUALLY fat. loL!. he nv believe ar. den tonight was judgement day. she sent him her pic. lookie wowzers. she IS fat. and not only FAT, but. omg i cant describe. marshall was crying in shock and laughter. we were cying our asses off. lol! so bad rite? well. my blog is full of bad shit. haha..
anws, marshall learnt his lesson, "God, Please burn her alive!" lol! ok. so bad. bissssh! haha. over!
btw.
TEMASEK AV CREW,
10,09,2004,General Meeting. Please meet at 10 am, usual place, AVCR.
goodnight!
wahhs! eugene so big tonight arr..
euGeNe liM! SmiLe(z).
Posted at 01:56 am by MagiCbeGiNz
Permalink
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
wells.. here i am finally blogging again.
darrn.. damn sian leis.. jus called all e ppl for tmr's meeting. its at 10am. not all are required, but all are welcome.
hmmx. i feel so odd blogging on my desktop. marshall using my laptop. the colour in the java applet there also cant change colour. lols.
anws, the past few days been a shitty hol. everyidae go tuition. den go there do nth sia. wells. nvm.. lol..
hmmx. tmr got av training at 10. i was arguing with mj whether shld be at 12 or 10.
he say 10.. so 10 lor. i mean. i argue until cannot liao. lol.
so.. fun siahs. marshall was trying on my uniform. hahas. he can fit. but veri tight. so how? can he go tmr jt? he's realli interested.. hahas..
wells. anw. not much talk about THAT animore. dont realli wish to think about it.. ands. yeah. haha. sleepy. going off kae? =D gnite!
eugene
Posted at 12:43 am by MagiCbeGiNz
Permalink
Sunday, September 05, 2004
last time using pink. i guess?
this entire post is going to be written in Pink.
maybe its just me, maybe it isnt. im going to take my diary out now so that i can quote what i wrote. its this little cute book that i use to store my private shit. and i spoiled it entirely. fuck. i wrote lots of crap in one entry. and now its totally ruined. i was scribbling in green on this page.. and now all my drawings on e front cover are like. useless. its so cute lor. my book. thanks to a moment of depression. i spoilt it. argh. well. i'll leave it there, as a scar in my book. just like the scar in my heart.
this came somewhere after my chinese tuition.. was it too much stress piled on? i never know. did i blog on my results? here it is anyway.
==================================================
Eng[Subject], 70[Mark], A2[Grade], 7/39[Position]
Chinese, 36, F9, 29/29
Mathematics 92, A1, 4/39
Science, 71, A2, 26/39
Geography, 72, A2, 12/39
DNT, 78,A1, 14/39
Literature, 59, C5, 24/39
Average: 68%. what the fuck? never did expect this kind of grade from me.
Number of Subjects Passed: 6. i took 7.
M.S.G. [Mean Score Grade. for those who dont kno, its like. A1=1, A2=2.] so its [2+9+1+2+2+1+5]/7 = 3.1. not very good.
Expected M.S.G= 2.3
Class Position: 20/39.
==================================================
well. if u guys take a nice and close look, "Eugene?! i think u got typo error. Chinese. 36? not 63? and ur rank is. 29/29? last in class? typo rite.." well to hell with typo errors. it aint one. i got 36 for my chinese and its an F. whoo. with last in class. yeah. bad eh? i guess i just got real pissed off when i was writing in my journal. this lady walked pass and saw me sitting on e floor outside e tuition centre with a book and a pen in hand, and marshall was sitting of e other side. my vision blurred all of a sudden and a sudden hot feeling came to my nose. *i yawned*. wait. did i? oh holy crap. im crying. ni neh. *takes glasses off* and *dried eyes using jacket*. its not very nice for a guy to start crying in e middle of no where. but what the fuck? did the lady HAVE TO STARE AT ME FOR SO LONG? and well. she had to shake her head. i was almost going to scold her for not minding her own business. i was sooo close to a, "hey bitch, fuck off can?" i didn't do it. for my mom's sake. she's also going through a stressful period. her centre's pri 6s are going for PSLEs. i dont want to make life harder for her. cheer up mum. =D.
and yeah. so i didnt scold the fucking woman. i just gave her that "what the fuck are u looking at" look, and she walked away, and i noticed a hurried pace. did i scare her? ass. and my sister. is never. sensitive. another woman walked into the centre, and god knows what she said to my sister, but my sister was vacumm cleaning the floor. and she stopped. so i glanced up, and my sister pointed toward us. me and marshall. and the lady turned to look. i tried to get my sister's attn. wanted to give her that "What the HELL are you trying to do." the last time she told a stranger that i had a girlfriend, and i think the stranger told my mom or smt. quite long ago. so wtf. bitch!
anws, i was so fucking pissed and broken. and i was sitting outside e centre. marshall was leaning on the pillar. i had my mp3 blasting in my ears. thank god for mp3 players. i love mine. and i took it off to go and sit with my best friend. pervertic as he may be, he's a nice guy. we bullied him in the toilet. did i mention? he was shitting, me and jun wei had to use wet tissue to bombard him. lol. he threw back lor. lol.. and junwei went to climb up to see. he kena straight in the face. poor guy. haha.
stupid sia. so i went over to marshall, he was like. being the same him that i knew when it was PSLE time and we were Pri 6. he was ultra stressed. he failed two subs. Eng and chinese. for 3rd term. eng 44, chinese 11. lol, ultra pro. but.. he's just stressed. and i guess i was too. so we started making this song. i flipped my diary to another page. here;s the song.
============================================
[Verse]
You gotta fuck your mother
then you gotta fuck your father
You gotta put, Shit, on their face,
then your gonna, feel so happy!
[Pre-Chorus]
For they have done you, wrooong.
[Chorus]
Nothing's gonna justify the world
That we're living iin~
[oh yeah. here's where i come in with a guitar solo. loL!]
Every child has got his problems
that the parents dont face
at alll...
============================================
thats as far as we composed so far. i've yet to accompany it with chords. i think Em, Dm, and a B would be fun. maybe an F now and then. lets try it soon. this is a short song yar.. whoa.. that helped me to release some stress, then on e wae home we were all rocking in the car, and doing the peace \m/ (^.^) \m/ thing to everyone we passed. in e car and all.
it was a fun, yet stressed day. i dont know how to describe the feeling im having now. i guess im just being heartbroken old me. first time encountering this. being dumped by a girl.. whoa.. real biggie on smt we guys may call "ego" here.. i mean like, at first i thought i was the only one who was feeling this way. but, joshua and that [a boY....] seemed to feel the same way as i do, whee. im a normal guy. when u said.. u've lost trust in guys.. i guess it sorta just aims at me doesnt it.. well. hate boys.. covers me too, unless im not one. oh yes, since ur blissfully single, i shant disturb ur peace either. =). no more being hopelessly in love ya. jeez. the shit i can crap up. woot. im feeling real fucky. hey, new word. fucky. fucky fucky fucky fucky fucky. fucky!. im fucky. woot. i dont know how to describe this feeling, yet joshua did it all for me. u kno the times when u dont know how to write a certain word? in chinese. i mean.. its like. u cant remember how to write the word, but when u see it, u know that its the word. and joshua just hit the nail on its head i guess. just that i din go home on friday or anything cos i was depressed or anything.. maybe i did. hmm. subonsciously maybe. cos i just did what my mind told me to. and go home. now. was on my mind. i wanted to go to mac. and eat my heart out. but josh and e canoeists had training.. so i called it a day and went home. i slept my heart out instead. i wish my meimeis had been there to eat with me. instead went home for smt. even forgot what i ate.. well..neck pain. write too much liao.
sorrie for not paragraphing. argh ms yati wld be utterly disappointed at my poor usage of english, and wld probably fail me. lol. i still dont believe i got 7th in class for eng. yet, last in class for chinese. both languages, but diff worlds. and btw, marco got first for maths.
well. its a goodnight for me people. im going off early tonight. its all pink now. i hope i used up all e remaining of my ink.
eugene.
Posted at 12:33 am by MagiCbeGiNz
Permalink
Thursday, September 02, 2004
haha.. i just wrote in my written journal.[ book. not internet one. my diary made of paper ] my diary. haha. anione wanna read mus look for me first.
wellx.. i just.. want my electric guitar. wehhs. cry. so badly. i cant have one. even though money isnt any restriction. i just. cant have one. my dad says it'd be noisy.. and that my interest will change.. all that crap.. i jus cant get the image of an electric out of my head. i want it. arrgh.
well. today. morning, woke up at 6.30+.. late la. lol. had lessons.. recess.. lesson.. den at 11.35 went dwn to e canteen.. PSLs going to elias park pri go conduct leadership training..
well.. got wet. lol. but it sure was fun. =D. haha. ok, lets talk about feelings now.
i just havent seen valen for so long.. i'm just so busy. occupied.. i want to contribute all my soul out to TMS. once more. just be ultra enthu. one last time. without boundaries like parents.. family, friends, restricting me. one last time. is all i request. run around the school doing all the odd jobs. "eugene go and take the masking tape!" "eugene! go and run up to control room, pass this to ming jie ask him play NOW." well.. for once i'd like to do all that crap. once again. before i leave.
i dont kno why i'm so infatuated over running into relationships. [well. not that im regretting]. but.. i just forget all my other commitments. all my other priorities. when girls come into my life. girls = number 1. be it av, enterprise, studies, PSL, family,fiends, tuition, IT, work, self-time, resting. joking around. fooling around. no more time for these things animore. choose one out of all. maybe 3 at the most. and its always girl + av + friends. with friends there's joking arnd. and fooling arnd. bt no self time. no study time. argh. fuck. lol.
just wanna take time to comment.
What.in.the.world.is.TMS.AV.Crew.all.about.
many of you may have heard me talking about this a few billion, zillion times. im not stupid, not retarded, spastic, whatever u may call it. im aware of my repitition. it has a purpose. to drill into ur puny lil minds out there, that what i do, isnt just press the play, pause, stop, rewind, FF, buttons. nothing like that at all.. what do i do?
temasek av crew. made up of 6 departments. Management. Sound. Lighting. Media. Followspot. Backstage. many of you think. AV? jus press the fucking button la. right. if any of u can actually play a track out to main system properly, then i salute u. to be able to wire everything, without pre-hand knowledge. would be great. but, that isnt the case here. eg. SOP for setup. turn on mixer. turn on tower. MiPro receivers, e power shit, 4 Shure wireless receivers, graphic EQ, AUX Amplifers, Main Hall Ampliers. for cd player, turn on cd. put cd in, press play. raise "fader" and gain. route CD player to [1-2], [3-4] or [mix], raise respective sub/master faders. route [1-2]/[3-4] out to mix. fade mix up. and then there's EQ. "HF, EQ sweep for mid-hf, mid-hf, EQ sweep for mid-lf, mid-lf, LF." fun sia eq. lol. so thats our mixer. so much more to learn.
its not just this. this isnt my job. my job. my job. is to co-ordinate with the entire crew. to make sure things go smoothly. help out wherever i can. conduct briefings. de-briefings. all that shit. the norm that an IC does. joon tat. does things like this too. so the next time a wireless mic isnt tured on, Please. PLEASE. do not scream, jeer, holler at us. we know what to do, we kno whats wrong. u try la.. nt easy to do this u noe?
we dont get credits, no shit. i mean. for small time performances and all that, i dont mind. well.. some of u may say, "why continue la.. quit the stupid av club and let it die la. like ur problem like that." why? i'll quote. who? joon tat. im not groaning or anything. jus informing the world. im doing this. cos i want the world to know. so. "Why continue la. Quit the STUPID AV CLUB. LET IT DIE. As if its ur problem like that." i get real pissed. well. quote Shingkai [Joon Tat] ~
|
 |
dun feel like doing then dun do?. gene. there are many things in life that u wont wanna do. and even thought now u have a choice, sometimes in life, u dont. are u just going to keep running away and taking the 'easiest' path? then let me tell u the easiest path in life. suicide. as much as i hate that word, that's the easiest path..
i dont know. ultimately it is still your decision. your life, your sky, your decisions. i can't fully understand how u feel, nor can u to i. nor can i to anybody else, nor can u to anybody else. for the simple reason that u are not anybody else, nor am i. just to tell u 1 thing. if u're going to let down everybody else around u who are working their best, at least dont let down yourself. ja.
why did u get posted to temasek? why did u come into AV? why? ugly pretty stupid smart whatever, all of us were born successful. of what? of surviving.you want others to have confidence in u, to believe in u, u must have confidence in yourself first. how do u expect a person to believe in u when u dont believe in yourself? u promised me u will be strong gene. u promised me. and now u're not even a quarter into the heat and u wanna just give it up?.
what i'm saying is a little harsh. but it's the hard truth and cold reality. maybe it's because u are rather sheltered from the rain and shine. that's why u cant see it. everybody is tired gene. everybody. everybody around u if fighting a harder battle. if the billions of people who are more unfortunate than u out ther can do it, i dun see why cant u. dont u ever stop to think how fortunate u are? out of all the wars in the past, why were u the one born to live this life? why did u survive?
|
|
gee. i hope no one minds me posting like this. im saying, the next time we make decisions, that makes others suffer, or maybe. not benefit. pls remember, that we have reasons. why i continue doing av? i do it for my own sake. my pride. my entire SOUL is in this crew.
im going to tell a story. this shall be the first of my collection.
i planned to turn this ship around. now the smoke is blinding. and i hear screams around. [my job isnt just steering this sinking ship. i have family to care about, my other stuffs. IT club, enterprise. PSL. all that. also valentia.] the boat just doesnt kno where its headed for anymore. we just go with our intuition and pray that shore is near. just then, the two captains. they drown and die. one survives, but is crippled, and cant do much. not many in the crew can drive a ship. there are only a handful who can turn the steering, who can dodge those icebergs. prevent the ship from sinking. and the thing is that. we've got ourselves a new crew recently. inexperienced but brewing with potential. can the remaining crew bring that potential out? with joon tat gone nxt yr, and me too. who will lead? thats the ultimate decision. my life. my sky. my decision.
eugene
Posted at 11:39 pm by MagiCbeGiNz
Permalink
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
