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 MagiCbeGiNz
My Info Name : Lim Fang Jun, Eugene Age : 14 Bdae : 26th August 1990 School : Temasek Secondary.. [Yea man! TMS Rox!]
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Tuesday, September 14, 2004
well.. im the kind of guy who cant drop tears. no matter how much i try. to let out all the pain. i cant cry. fyi, if u want to know when i'm depressed, it'll be when i stop saying, "haha. lol. hee. hehe." and all. u know im depressed alright. This post is dedicated to the malignment of eugene lim, i wish to put things straight, and to a stop now. not to continue anymore. lets just get on with our lives. dont write about me. it'll only make u think of me more. get another guy. u'll think of him more alright.
sure, i know i shldnt be spending time being depressed and all.. but well. just a post on things.
everytime i go home from school. i try to find peeps to go home with. otherwise i'll reach home, Very depressed. or unhappy, in my own words. i jus find this unfair. guys will always have to give in? i dont noe. do girls have to post all their problems on blogs? well. maybe guys post them too. like me, i post problems too sometimes. but.. exagerrating and making long posts abt depression.. trying to get people to symphatise? i dont really think that.. it wld be fair to the guy. u turn ur words around..
confused? not knowing what this entire post is about so far people? explanation at valwave.blogdrive.com . the comments esp. ok? well.. here's an explanation too.
i broke ur heart? im sorry that i did, even though i dont think that is a very justified statement. i wonder who initiated a breakup in the first place. well. i somehow knew that if we patched, i just wouldnt be the same again. i've seen the other side of you now. have you now seen the other side of me? the flirt? the bastard? the one who tries to find a "temporary girl" to fill that empty hole that u once filled. no offence to the girls. i mean. "temporary girl" may not be temporary. no offence. i'm just saying that this is absurd. i personally find that if we do argue, u do not have much solid argumental ground to stand on! not that i want to argue, excuse me. jus stating a few facts.
anyway.. i want to say that. i dont think i did anything wrong. the two crushes.. i'll reveal. one's germaine. one's valerie. valerie no longer exists. germaine stands. my reason? i dont know. after u broke up. i find myself just suddenly attracted to these two girls for no reason at all. maybe cos germaine's smile is just sweet, ultra friendly. and maybe i did like her a bit beforehand. valerie. i never did like her beforehand. i dont know why i fall for her suddenly. maybe its the depression. i dont know! well. different people handle their things differently. im used to handling everything on my own, i cant stand it when people tell me to do this. do that. just do it. why? dont ask just do it. my life or urs.. come on.
ok.. now.. im at a lost of what to do. maybe just go and revise maths. what. length of arc and all that crap. cos sin tan.. whatever. no mood to do anything. nw stop raining liao. otherwise i wld.. well nvm. i wun tell u guys my plan. it has smt to do with getting soaked. *note. Rain sounds louder than screams*. tried b4. then i'd take my guitar out and start plucking and strumming like mad. well.. to hell with everything.. mm. nothing much in this post. its just all described. dont know. cant be bothered. damn.
eugene
14th sept 2110hrs.
Posted at 10:10 pm by MagiCbeGiNz
Permalink
wells. sry for not posting for so long..
hi guys.. not been posting for quite long, i do know. i apologise. =D forgive me k? haha.
well. today was like any other day.. i'll chat a lil about saturday first alright? haha.. went to GIG III in the evening. rocked the entire world to the core dude! it was great praise and worship till the end. haha.. well.. lots of cool things happened.
mm.. sunday all of us woke up late. so went for 3rd service instead. went to music clef a while.. jam.. BOUGHT MY CAPO! woot. capos rule.. u bar the 7th fret and start playing lar. whether plucking or strumming, it'd be damn cool. haha. sounds veri nice. referring to classical guitars. nt sure abt acoustics, electrics and bass.
wells.. den today. sian lar. go to sku.. normal normal lor. science learn abt refraction.. maths.. mensuration. NOT menstration ar. MENSURATION. lol. area.. volume all that crap. haha.
den aft school quite fun. me, wei choy, hong shan and chang song decided to go and study. miracle right. haha.. decided on siglap mac. saw germaine at foyer.. so cute la she. lol. i find germaine very cute.. dont know why. well. today i went through yet another transformation that changed my heart.
anws, aft school.. siglap mac. i rmb the soap at the siglap toilet there very good one. haha.. anws, mc spicy chicken meal.. wells. the aircon was cold. i shivering.. lols. and.. well.. haha. i dont know why we called valerie and kela along lor. lolx. i found it a total waste of time in the end.
i mean.. well.. yeah right. im such a flirt lor.. i dont kno why.. but i just.. cant stop myself from falling in love. aiyah. fuck me la.. first.. who? i mean. i dont want to rake up old memories and put them here.. i'll jus say i had 3 before. THREE. that is so horrible of me. and i.. had a crush on two more after my third? im just so horrible. sighh.. lol. i despise ppl like me.sian. im despising myself.. wells. bish me.
anw, now onli got 1 crush. u guys have to talk to me to find out abt that one. haha.. and.. well. valerie? ur letter actually Hurt. ok? i dont noe why or how i hurt, it jus did. i was never good with feelings.. and.. well.. being hurt or smt is smt i dont know how to describe. if u let a child put his hands into boiling hot water, and tell him that the feeling he is feeling now is "Cold", then he'll say "Mom, its cold now. can i take my shirt off?" if no one can comprehend how i feel, then i dont know how to describe my feeling. my range of feeling veri big one. Happy and Unhappy. Finito. so i gave myself a metre. (-10) to 10. (-10) being least happy and 10 being most happy. like that lor.. well. nth much to say, jus that i prolly wont fall for valerie AGAIN. keep it as kor-mei kinda shit. yeah. well. late liaos. i damn tired. haha.. all that jumping frm GIG must've worn my leggies out. now muscle ache until damn tired. haha. nite ppl!
eugene.
14th sept, 0004hrs.
Posted at 01:05 am by MagiCbeGiNz
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Friday, September 10, 2004
haha. today a bit sian la. nth to do sehhs.
ok. first of all.. woke up arnd 10.30.. den msg meimei. realised that i have a dental appointment at 2 pm. so i chiong to shower and all that. cos i have to go to international plaza. my mom forced me to go check out this music shop there. 26th story, believer music. i noe its good, but come on. i dont wanna go to international plaza every week ok? =)..
so chiong dere lor. den take mrt, stand la. den reach liao.. tanjong pagar.. what happened was like this. we went to e 25th story den walked up. there was no 26 on that lift. the stairway was eerie. the entire building looked the prime suspect for a fire or a fight or smt. like those jacky chan movies. haha.. well. it was horrid! we asked alot of people, all were unfriendly.. so i called my mom. she passed the fone to my uncle who introduced us this place. he's our church friend and also my mom's centre's neighbour. so. here goes, we talked, den i asked him if everything he told me right anot. right wad.. so.. he asked me press doorbell. but there was no doorbell. he asked me to knock on e glass door then. there was no glass door! it was wooden! so we discussed, and i said i wld call him back. so i went to e main reception at 1st level and they said we need to make an appointment before coming. screwed up. wasted all my time. lol..
went back to e mrt.. den took to bedok where i saw elaine. haha. she's like. so kateh. LOL. dn. me and marsh took 14 dwn to katong where we had tuition. fun sia. lol. i go and haf lunch, den chiong to dental appointment. luckily katong also.. den i come back, i see this couple arnd my age one. haha. one fat one skinny. fat one look like girl, but i kno its a guy.. so liddat lor. haha. mum asked me to go and take letters, i go and take. den i see them agn, haha. sitting down at e bench there. haha. e girl chio lor. =p. ok. so.. take liao go up. see them playing arnd. kissing. eew. lol. jus found it disgusting.. well. ok. tuition. den go home. haha.
yesterday, marshall was introduced to a friend. the person[karman] msged him and asked him if he was marshall, and they started talking. so there. apparantly, karman said that a person named ryan gave her his number. haha.. so this morning marshall called his friend. the friend said that he didnt give any girl his number. so he questioned karman agn.. she said .. ryan something something wad jun wei one. so marshall got damn pissed. "fuck junwei. he going to die. anyhow give ppl my number" so marshall said ok. den we found out that karman was 11. LOL!! joke of e yr. haha..
ok. so marshall talked to karman e entire day.. he FELL IN LOVE WITH A PERSON HE NEVER MET. ok. well. some of u find that ok, but look. marshall said she had a very sweet voice. mus be veri chio. im not critisising or anything, but i told marshall that girls with sweet voices are USUALLY fat. loL!. he nv believe ar. den tonight was judgement day. she sent him her pic. lookie wowzers. she IS fat. and not only FAT, but. omg i cant describe. marshall was crying in shock and laughter. we were cying our asses off. lol! so bad rite? well. my blog is full of bad shit. haha..
anws, marshall learnt his lesson, "God, Please burn her alive!" lol! ok. so bad. bissssh! haha. over!
btw.
TEMASEK AV CREW,
10,09,2004,General Meeting. Please meet at 10 am, usual place, AVCR.
goodnight!
wahhs! eugene so big tonight arr..
euGeNe liM! SmiLe(z).
Posted at 01:56 am by MagiCbeGiNz
Permalink
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
wells.. here i am finally blogging again.
darrn.. damn sian leis.. jus called all e ppl for tmr's meeting. its at 10am. not all are required, but all are welcome.
hmmx. i feel so odd blogging on my desktop. marshall using my laptop. the colour in the java applet there also cant change colour. lols.
anws, the past few days been a shitty hol. everyidae go tuition. den go there do nth sia. wells. nvm.. lol..
hmmx. tmr got av training at 10. i was arguing with mj whether shld be at 12 or 10.
he say 10.. so 10 lor. i mean. i argue until cannot liao. lol.
so.. fun siahs. marshall was trying on my uniform. hahas. he can fit. but veri tight. so how? can he go tmr jt? he's realli interested.. hahas..
wells. anw. not much talk about THAT animore. dont realli wish to think about it.. ands. yeah. haha. sleepy. going off kae? =D gnite!
eugene
Posted at 12:43 am by MagiCbeGiNz
Permalink
Sunday, September 05, 2004
last time using pink. i guess?
this entire post is going to be written in Pink.
maybe its just me, maybe it isnt. im going to take my diary out now so that i can quote what i wrote. its this little cute book that i use to store my private shit. and i spoiled it entirely. fuck. i wrote lots of crap in one entry. and now its totally ruined. i was scribbling in green on this page.. and now all my drawings on e front cover are like. useless. its so cute lor. my book. thanks to a moment of depression. i spoilt it. argh. well. i'll leave it there, as a scar in my book. just like the scar in my heart.
this came somewhere after my chinese tuition.. was it too much stress piled on? i never know. did i blog on my results? here it is anyway.
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Eng[Subject], 70[Mark], A2[Grade], 7/39[Position]
Chinese, 36, F9, 29/29
Mathematics 92, A1, 4/39
Science, 71, A2, 26/39
Geography, 72, A2, 12/39
DNT, 78,A1, 14/39
Literature, 59, C5, 24/39
Average: 68%. what the fuck? never did expect this kind of grade from me.
Number of Subjects Passed: 6. i took 7.
M.S.G. [Mean Score Grade. for those who dont kno, its like. A1=1, A2=2.] so its [2+9+1+2+2+1+5]/7 = 3.1. not very good.
Expected M.S.G= 2.3
Class Position: 20/39.
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well. if u guys take a nice and close look, "Eugene?! i think u got typo error. Chinese. 36? not 63? and ur rank is. 29/29? last in class? typo rite.." well to hell with typo errors. it aint one. i got 36 for my chinese and its an F. whoo. with last in class. yeah. bad eh? i guess i just got real pissed off when i was writing in my journal. this lady walked pass and saw me sitting on e floor outside e tuition centre with a book and a pen in hand, and marshall was sitting of e other side. my vision blurred all of a sudden and a sudden hot feeling came to my nose. *i yawned*. wait. did i? oh holy crap. im crying. ni neh. *takes glasses off* and *dried eyes using jacket*. its not very nice for a guy to start crying in e middle of no where. but what the fuck? did the lady HAVE TO STARE AT ME FOR SO LONG? and well. she had to shake her head. i was almost going to scold her for not minding her own business. i was sooo close to a, "hey bitch, fuck off can?" i didn't do it. for my mom's sake. she's also going through a stressful period. her centre's pri 6s are going for PSLEs. i dont want to make life harder for her. cheer up mum. =D.
and yeah. so i didnt scold the fucking woman. i just gave her that "what the fuck are u looking at" look, and she walked away, and i noticed a hurried pace. did i scare her? ass. and my sister. is never. sensitive. another woman walked into the centre, and god knows what she said to my sister, but my sister was vacumm cleaning the floor. and she stopped. so i glanced up, and my sister pointed toward us. me and marshall. and the lady turned to look. i tried to get my sister's attn. wanted to give her that "What the HELL are you trying to do." the last time she told a stranger that i had a girlfriend, and i think the stranger told my mom or smt. quite long ago. so wtf. bitch!
anws, i was so fucking pissed and broken. and i was sitting outside e centre. marshall was leaning on the pillar. i had my mp3 blasting in my ears. thank god for mp3 players. i love mine. and i took it off to go and sit with my best friend. pervertic as he may be, he's a nice guy. we bullied him in the toilet. did i mention? he was shitting, me and jun wei had to use wet tissue to bombard him. lol. he threw back lor. lol.. and junwei went to climb up to see. he kena straight in the face. poor guy. haha.
stupid sia. so i went over to marshall, he was like. being the same him that i knew when it was PSLE time and we were Pri 6. he was ultra stressed. he failed two subs. Eng and chinese. for 3rd term. eng 44, chinese 11. lol, ultra pro. but.. he's just stressed. and i guess i was too. so we started making this song. i flipped my diary to another page. here;s the song.
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[Verse]
You gotta fuck your mother
then you gotta fuck your father
You gotta put, Shit, on their face,
then your gonna, feel so happy!
[Pre-Chorus]
For they have done you, wrooong.
[Chorus]
Nothing's gonna justify the world
That we're living iin~
[oh yeah. here's where i come in with a guitar solo. loL!]
Every child has got his problems
that the parents dont face
at alll...
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thats as far as we composed so far. i've yet to accompany it with chords. i think Em, Dm, and a B would be fun. maybe an F now and then. lets try it soon. this is a short song yar.. whoa.. that helped me to release some stress, then on e wae home we were all rocking in the car, and doing the peace \m/ (^.^) \m/ thing to everyone we passed. in e car and all.
it was a fun, yet stressed day. i dont know how to describe the feeling im having now. i guess im just being heartbroken old me. first time encountering this. being dumped by a girl.. whoa.. real biggie on smt we guys may call "ego" here.. i mean like, at first i thought i was the only one who was feeling this way. but, joshua and that [a boY....] seemed to feel the same way as i do, whee. im a normal guy. when u said.. u've lost trust in guys.. i guess it sorta just aims at me doesnt it.. well. hate boys.. covers me too, unless im not one. oh yes, since ur blissfully single, i shant disturb ur peace either. =). no more being hopelessly in love ya. jeez. the shit i can crap up. woot. im feeling real fucky. hey, new word. fucky. fucky fucky fucky fucky fucky. fucky!. im fucky. woot. i dont know how to describe this feeling, yet joshua did it all for me. u kno the times when u dont know how to write a certain word? in chinese. i mean.. its like. u cant remember how to write the word, but when u see it, u know that its the word. and joshua just hit the nail on its head i guess. just that i din go home on friday or anything cos i was depressed or anything.. maybe i did. hmm. subonsciously maybe. cos i just did what my mind told me to. and go home. now. was on my mind. i wanted to go to mac. and eat my heart out. but josh and e canoeists had training.. so i called it a day and went home. i slept my heart out instead. i wish my meimeis had been there to eat with me. instead went home for smt. even forgot what i ate.. well..neck pain. write too much liao.
sorrie for not paragraphing. argh ms yati wld be utterly disappointed at my poor usage of english, and wld probably fail me. lol. i still dont believe i got 7th in class for eng. yet, last in class for chinese. both languages, but diff worlds. and btw, marco got first for maths.
well. its a goodnight for me people. im going off early tonight. its all pink now. i hope i used up all e remaining of my ink.
eugene.
Posted at 12:33 am by MagiCbeGiNz
Permalink
Thursday, September 02, 2004
haha.. i just wrote in my written journal.[ book. not internet one. my diary made of paper ] my diary. haha. anione wanna read mus look for me first.
wellx.. i just.. want my electric guitar. wehhs. cry. so badly. i cant have one. even though money isnt any restriction. i just. cant have one. my dad says it'd be noisy.. and that my interest will change.. all that crap.. i jus cant get the image of an electric out of my head. i want it. arrgh.
well. today. morning, woke up at 6.30+.. late la. lol. had lessons.. recess.. lesson.. den at 11.35 went dwn to e canteen.. PSLs going to elias park pri go conduct leadership training..
well.. got wet. lol. but it sure was fun. =D. haha. ok, lets talk about feelings now.
i just havent seen valen for so long.. i'm just so busy. occupied.. i want to contribute all my soul out to TMS. once more. just be ultra enthu. one last time. without boundaries like parents.. family, friends, restricting me. one last time. is all i request. run around the school doing all the odd jobs. "eugene go and take the masking tape!" "eugene! go and run up to control room, pass this to ming jie ask him play NOW." well.. for once i'd like to do all that crap. once again. before i leave.
i dont kno why i'm so infatuated over running into relationships. [well. not that im regretting]. but.. i just forget all my other commitments. all my other priorities. when girls come into my life. girls = number 1. be it av, enterprise, studies, PSL, family,fiends, tuition, IT, work, self-time, resting. joking around. fooling around. no more time for these things animore. choose one out of all. maybe 3 at the most. and its always girl + av + friends. with friends there's joking arnd. and fooling arnd. bt no self time. no study time. argh. fuck. lol.
just wanna take time to comment.
What.in.the.world.is.TMS.AV.Crew.all.about.
many of you may have heard me talking about this a few billion, zillion times. im not stupid, not retarded, spastic, whatever u may call it. im aware of my repitition. it has a purpose. to drill into ur puny lil minds out there, that what i do, isnt just press the play, pause, stop, rewind, FF, buttons. nothing like that at all.. what do i do?
temasek av crew. made up of 6 departments. Management. Sound. Lighting. Media. Followspot. Backstage. many of you think. AV? jus press the fucking button la. right. if any of u can actually play a track out to main system properly, then i salute u. to be able to wire everything, without pre-hand knowledge. would be great. but, that isnt the case here. eg. SOP for setup. turn on mixer. turn on tower. MiPro receivers, e power shit, 4 Shure wireless receivers, graphic EQ, AUX Amplifers, Main Hall Ampliers. for cd player, turn on cd. put cd in, press play. raise "fader" and gain. route CD player to [1-2], [3-4] or [mix], raise respective sub/master faders. route [1-2]/[3-4] out to mix. fade mix up. and then there's EQ. "HF, EQ sweep for mid-hf, mid-hf, EQ sweep for mid-lf, mid-lf, LF." fun sia eq. lol. so thats our mixer. so much more to learn.
its not just this. this isnt my job. my job. my job. is to co-ordinate with the entire crew. to make sure things go smoothly. help out wherever i can. conduct briefings. de-briefings. all that shit. the norm that an IC does. joon tat. does things like this too. so the next time a wireless mic isnt tured on, Please. PLEASE. do not scream, jeer, holler at us. we know what to do, we kno whats wrong. u try la.. nt easy to do this u noe?
we dont get credits, no shit. i mean. for small time performances and all that, i dont mind. well.. some of u may say, "why continue la.. quit the stupid av club and let it die la. like ur problem like that." why? i'll quote. who? joon tat. im not groaning or anything. jus informing the world. im doing this. cos i want the world to know. so. "Why continue la. Quit the STUPID AV CLUB. LET IT DIE. As if its ur problem like that." i get real pissed. well. quote Shingkai [Joon Tat] ~
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dun feel like doing then dun do?. gene. there are many things in life that u wont wanna do. and even thought now u have a choice, sometimes in life, u dont. are u just going to keep running away and taking the 'easiest' path? then let me tell u the easiest path in life. suicide. as much as i hate that word, that's the easiest path..
i dont know. ultimately it is still your decision. your life, your sky, your decisions. i can't fully understand how u feel, nor can u to i. nor can i to anybody else, nor can u to anybody else. for the simple reason that u are not anybody else, nor am i. just to tell u 1 thing. if u're going to let down everybody else around u who are working their best, at least dont let down yourself. ja.
why did u get posted to temasek? why did u come into AV? why? ugly pretty stupid smart whatever, all of us were born successful. of what? of surviving.you want others to have confidence in u, to believe in u, u must have confidence in yourself first. how do u expect a person to believe in u when u dont believe in yourself? u promised me u will be strong gene. u promised me. and now u're not even a quarter into the heat and u wanna just give it up?.
what i'm saying is a little harsh. but it's the hard truth and cold reality. maybe it's because u are rather sheltered from the rain and shine. that's why u cant see it. everybody is tired gene. everybody. everybody around u if fighting a harder battle. if the billions of people who are more unfortunate than u out ther can do it, i dun see why cant u. dont u ever stop to think how fortunate u are? out of all the wars in the past, why were u the one born to live this life? why did u survive?
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gee. i hope no one minds me posting like this. im saying, the next time we make decisions, that makes others suffer, or maybe. not benefit. pls remember, that we have reasons. why i continue doing av? i do it for my own sake. my pride. my entire SOUL is in this crew.
im going to tell a story. this shall be the first of my collection.
i planned to turn this ship around. now the smoke is blinding. and i hear screams around. [my job isnt just steering this sinking ship. i have family to care about, my other stuffs. IT club, enterprise. PSL. all that. also valentia.] the boat just doesnt kno where its headed for anymore. we just go with our intuition and pray that shore is near. just then, the two captains. they drown and die. one survives, but is crippled, and cant do much. not many in the crew can drive a ship. there are only a handful who can turn the steering, who can dodge those icebergs. prevent the ship from sinking. and the thing is that. we've got ourselves a new crew recently. inexperienced but brewing with potential. can the remaining crew bring that potential out? with joon tat gone nxt yr, and me too. who will lead? thats the ultimate decision. my life. my sky. my decision.
eugene
Posted at 11:39 pm by MagiCbeGiNz
Permalink
wellx. haha. what else is there to say? =). ok about today.
well. haha. ok. lets start with yesterday shall we? =D. yesterday was teacher's day concert. so we were at school by 6 am.. i had to wake up at 5. and joon tat didnt wake up.. so he found his own way to school. haha. quite ok la hor. dens.. after that went to LJS at bedok with shaun, joshua and germaine meimei. we eat lor.. den shaun and joshua so bad! pang seh sia. i got girlfren ok? valentia rulez! =).. so.. mei went home.. shaun went to his house to take stuff. den came my hse afterward, joshua followed me home. there was supposed to be a bbq at joon tat's hse later in e evening. how we kno.. cancelled. argh.. wanted to go jamming with shaun, joshua, james pang and waikhang one. but jt called. den din wanna disappoint him.. so we went to meet him at marine parade.. onli james pang went home. din wanna eat. lol. dens.. haha. went to eat bk rite? mm.. den after that jt and rolland went to play lan. me and e rest go joo chiat and look for jamming studio.
ok.. cut a long story short, we reached e eurasian community house. but the stupid guy go home liao lor.. damn.. so we went to look for the other studio e guy recommended. at duku road. hee. huiyan lives dere.. mm.. he said at on the top of e coffee shop. wellx. we went to the police post and asked for directions. he said go straight and turn, then u see still road, follow den turn left again.ah well. we didnt find it. ah well.. we said heck care. dun jam liao. tmr den jam. so we went home. haha..
so.. yahs.. today. mm.. it was absolutely wasted! lol.x..
this morning arnd 10, rolland called and asked us if we wanted to go swimming.. we planned the night before u see, so we went swimming.. started arnd 11 ended at 12 or smt. haha. den we all bathe in clubhouse.. den aft that come up my hse. slack slack.. eat.. slack.. den we go out.. jt and rolland went to jt's hse.. me, shaun and josh went to e eurasian community house.. e stupid guy say room under renovations.stupid idiot. he took dwn our contact numbers, i think he thew them awae. lol.. aniwaes. before going into e community house. outside got this ice cream man. e ice cream is cheap, and good. haha. so i bought lor. after e community hse, we go out wanna buy ma. the guy nt there liao! but we wanna buy his one! den we ask a group of workers.. and then followed their directions. and run after the ice cream man like retards. kinda cool. lol. it was fun being a kid once again. to run for e ice cream man and eat his ice cream. haha..
aft that we wanted to go to play lan.. so we tried roxy. e woman told us that no coms.. well. can see. so din go. haha. went to katong mall to visit mom.. den aft that go to pirates. also dun haf. arggh..nvm. so we split up. me and josh to complete the just started geog project, and shaun for home.
at bryan's hse.. do lorx.. lol.x dumb sia. stupid. porno addicts. my entire class. lol.. anws. that's abt all for tday.. i guess i owe someone an apology.
darling,
im sorry i havent been talking to u much recently. ive been wanting peace and quiet without too many ppl nagging in my ears constantly. i resort to my music. my guitar..my subwoofer was my best friend. i wuld hug it real tight and then play some song which is full of bass.and feel. that bass. like anthem #5 [floorfilla]. maan. nothing beats music. =). anws. jus wanna say. sorrie and i love u no matter what.
goodnite..
ewwwgene.
Posted at 12:15 am by MagiCbeGiNz
Permalink
Monday, August 30, 2004
well.. none of us are living the life that we love now. i mean. most of us are down in the dumps.. crying and all that.. calling out to the emptiness that was once filled with so much love and care. concern. now there's nothing left in that emptiness.
well.. if av's going to be improving, i suggest all of us get out of this "emptiness" and face the real world. nothing is going to happen if we all keep on groaning to ourselves. keep telling ourselves that things are jus going to get worse. we need to do something about this. not just .. talk. we need to.. get together and talk. this is also directed to me. i need to get all this depression off my blog before it spreads any further.
humairah! didnt know i affected u so much. dont worrie kae... i'll visit, and although i wont be there physically, always remember that. i'll be planning behind the scenes. always will be there if anyone needs guidance in training. in anything. and.. u may think i wanted my management post. well. if u refer to my previous blog. i never did want to do management. i'll tell u why. this is going to be a story.
ok. i joined av in the year 2003. when i was sec one. then, av wasnt a cca just yet. it was.. a service to da school. we did it out of our own will. i didnt even have the SLIGHEST notion that i was going to join av. until that fateful afternoon. that changed the entire person i am. this afternoon will be remembered.
*rewinds back to yr 2003*
i went to canteen to see ming jie and kang yu in canteen. they were talking about some interview thing going on in hall. i went to ask them what it was, since they were in same pri sku as me. so i found out that it was this crappy av meeting. i go for what.. also nv say i wanted to join av at first. i nv submit name.. but in the end ky and mj dragged me along. i had nothing to do anyway.
going up to hall, it was empty. we waited at the benches. those blue ones near the funny stair like things? with pullup bars? audience left. yeah. those. we put our bags down.. and then there was this guy that came running over. i recognise him as shaun lin. [now that i know him. i never knew we wuld grow so close.] so he asked us to write our names and classes on a piece of paper. then we wrote our emails too. teles. and e usual. so yeah. no interview. lots of ppl started coming tho. [i can name most of them now. shaun, kang sheng, daniel ho, ansley, sihui, royce, joon tat, rolland, james tay, weldon, cheong yew, huisin, ju ren, kaiming, stanley, philemon, jonathan, edwin, qing de] so the meeting started. stanley was leading. back then i onli knew him, thru the IT club interview. well. he talked lots. i forgot. den i remembered that he did a vote: "should we expel jonathan tay from av?" jonathan was sec 4 in yr 2003. they say he's a giant flirt who only flirts while on duty. now that i know him, i so totally agree. i think the decision was. : yes.
well. stanley took the meeting to an end. he conducted training, and talked to sec 1s. i cant remember the training. too many that year. well. i went home by bus. i took same bus as stanley and joon tat. 13. [back then, joon tat was under sound. and si hui, the comittee member.] i cant imagine av without jt. if si hui had stayed on, i wonder what wld have happened. aniwaes. that was the afternoon.
*back to the future* irah, that was my first day in av. and i was put under backstage. i wanted to do lighting, but was scared everytime i tried to touch the lighting board. ming jie wasnt there. he was at basketball training. back then yar. so.. i was under backstage for a while. things sorta changed tho. in the usual afternoon in control room in yr 2003, shaun told me that i was going to become quartermaster. i was surprised. me? oh me. ok. yeah ok. and stanley whispered to me that exact thing too. i was surprised. and i questioned myself. can i do this? can i cope?
*a few months down the road.*
i cant stand my job. i cant cue, i cant do things right. i want out.
back then stanley was the wise person arnd. saying some things that made lots of sense. he pushed my sense back into me and here i am.
*arnd half a yr later*
sec 2. yr 2004. i cannot do management. why cant i do sound?! i dont feel like doing management anymore. [wait i copy+paste the exact words frm old post.]
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... heehee..
idont know wad to sae le.
aiyahx.. i suddenly dont feel lyk doing management in AV le. i feel lyk doing sound instead.. joon tat.. when i said i dont want to do management animore? or rather : when i said ~ If u can find some1 else to do management, i'd gladly be replaced. being beri frank here ok? i mean.. yaR.. i dont knoe what i mean. hm.x. i mean.. lyk.. can replace my management position can le. maybe make use of some of the available sec 2 ppl? look fer talents yar? den can take over me. i'd be.. so satistfied.. thanks.x.. i suddenly lyk. dont feel lyk. continuing to type. sry to all dose reading.. actually haf lotsa stuff to sae. if i dun slp now, i'll never survive tml. sorrie. nitenite.
M4g!cB3g!N5
050304
2155hrs
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oh well. that was me in the past. i didnt want to continue in management. now i see things in a different light. u might wanna read the post. just look for it on my blogdrive. Friday, March 05, 2004. this url. http://magicbegins.blogdrive.com/archive/cm-8_cy-2004_m-8_d-29_y-2004_o-80.html. and look at the comments. 10 of them. irah. these applies to u. there are many things in life which u wanna do. but. well. read on and apply. i gotta go its damn late. aniwae. i hope that. u will wake up. frm that depression. need anything can call me.
oh ya how to forget?! darling came back frm indonesia today.. hope she enjoyed her stay there. im here to say that i love u my strawberry ice cream!
eugene. the promoted mashed potato.
Posted at 01:12 am by MagiCbeGiNz
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Sunday, August 29, 2004
haha. today was pretty fun..
went to sku at.. arnd .. 11.45. haha. wellx. there was supposed to be some alumni talk. but oh well. they came at arnd.. 12+? 1? lol. good thing i had mr oh to accompany me. love u mr oh!. haha...
haha.. wells. i went for lunch when mr oh said i shld. =P so in e end met michelle [psl] at e hall.. short chat, had lunch together.. haha. den everyone like. in canteen. cos onli the two of us ma. den sit like. face to face. like she my girlfrien liddat meh? =P/ so strange. enjoyed talking to u mich! so cuteee! chubby chubby one. haha.
ok.. den they came liaos.. no laptop! haha. so i waited lor. den mr oh was giving physics remedial outside avt.. i jus see see abit. den shirley and joanna walk past. so.. they said hi, den stopeed by to ask for donations. i asked them to sit dwn and started talking. i said i no money. lol. den dey say ur mummy coming liaos. i was like. "har. mummy? oh. qing jun ar" "ya.. coming over soon" so wait lor. den she come liaos. we all sit dwn talk talk. den qing jun donated coins. i was like. " oh ya! i jus realised that i have 1 dollar in muah pocket." so i took out 2 50 cents and donated. haha.. in return, i had stickers. all pasted over my PSL shirt. lol.x so cute.. haha. qing jun counted around 50 of them. hahas..
wells. ok. den shirley and joanna go liaos. went to general office to give their thingies. hahas. left me and qing jun alone.. haha. we chatted lots. like.. the integrated programme.. our lives.. haha. den in e middle the guys came and gave the laptop. so i went in, setup liaos, den go out talk to qing jun agn. did it look like i was flirting?! omg. mr oh at the bench across frm us.. den he like. keep looking over and smiling. make it look like i was flrting sia. haha. den all e teachers or students walking past also give us that look.. that "boyfriend and girlfriend ar" look. haha. misunderstanding ok. NO BF-GF relationship. hee. =P.
aniwaes. went to control rm a while. pack my stuff did a lil cupboard search.. found e cds. lol. den i went dwn to the foyer to help PSLs do e be urself day thing.. haha. until e end of e day lor. haha.. liddat.
hummx. came home.. wow. cousins in singapore! haha. my cousin and her boyfriend came in too. they're old. haha. like 20+? so.. my parents suggest they sleep in the living room. ok lor.x haha. e red sofa is all urs! =D. dun *ehrm ehrm dir ehrm ehrm ty ehrm it. * lol.x.. so.. yah. having a little accomadation problem here. my cousin all wanna sleep my rm. so.. i have 2 beds. one let my girl cousin and my sis sleep. one let my guy one sleep. i sleep on chair lor. haha. dun get e wrong idea. my girl cousin is pri 4. turned 10 this yr ok. haha. the 20+ one sleep outside. wellx. den.. like that lor. so i on chair now. suffering. arrgh. haha. i going to listen later. hear if got some "sounds" coming frm living rm. haha..
well.. today is the first day darling is gone. she's in indonesia.. im going to miss her. so much i already do.. shucks. i hope she comes back soon.. and the first thing im going to give her is a big big hug. love u darling.. sleep well!
eugene
Posted at 02:05 am by MagiCbeGiNz
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Saturday, August 28, 2004
joshua. i love you! ur my saviour.
jt. i realli think joshua would do perfect for my post. future president.. well. we gotta try him out. make sure he can cope. otherwise end up like me. den die. he's in canoeing and band. two veri time consuming activities. u have to prioritise josh.. when two clash, u have to give up one. fr me pretty ez. cos usually when IT clash with AV, jt will be there to be my protection. to tell it club that i carn make it. and they listen. but when psl clash with av.. diff thing. i have to bargain. "michelle! can i go for onli abt.. half an hr of e meeting instead? i have av later.." so.. josh. u being the guy u are. i kno u will fight for rights. so.. if u wanna go fr av, be prepared to sacrifice.
ok. lost people? tell u later.. haha..
well. aft sku got two gangs outside temasek sec. cool sia. almost fight leh nehneh. lol.x...
hey what the shit. i fell asleep. i started writing.. last night. now its 10 07 am. argh. lol. ok lets continue.
ok. dens.. aft school, joshua followed me to tjc.. to go and get my confirmation letter.. supposed to hand in by mon noon.. sia la. later i go hand in... damn i think im sick. sneezing everywhere.. fuck.. lol.x
ok .so aft tjc. me and joshua went to bus stop to wait for e 229. nt sure if that side will go back to sku anot.. so.. we did smt a lil crazy. we attempted to walk back to temasek secondary. hey my bag was heavy alright. lol. so we walk walk.. turn the corner into upper east coast rd..walk walk.. den see.. got mobile. joshua was like. " hey my meimei lives somewhere here! but dunno exact place" so i followed him. up the hill.. down the hill. lol. funn.. =D.. so.. liddat lor.. see meimei. got doggy.. lol. reminds me of that time when i live in tamp. got GG. lol.x. chase me arnd e entire 156 lehhhx!! hhaa. nvm.. okies. continuing.
we went back to school. but we took a bus instead. haha. well. at first i thought joshua wuld go training and then go home or smt. budden he stayed to help av wor! so helpful. love u joshua!! well.. setup.. used seco.. liberty.. and promic, as base station. liberty and seco both are amp-cum-speakers. fun sia. lol. so damn heavy. haha. wells. we took arnd 2 hrs to setup. dunno why lehs. haha. but in e middle of e setup i saw lots of ppl slacking so i went to join joshua for a lil gym for a while. haha. den fun lor.. haha. train a little.. den setup.
well.. setup.. tape cables.. all that. haha.. in e middle, joshua went to 7-11 to get some stuff for us to drink. he bought bowl noodles for himself.. hot siaa.. i choked on e chilli. lol.x so.. i bought a 1.5L coke. and a 150ml sprite ice. my favourite meimei, germaine, so evil! haha.. take my coke. take my sprite ice.. den my other meimei, qiu jin, another evil one.. lol.x. wad did u call e coke agn?! pang sai water or smt like that. haha.. aniwaes. alot of my sprite ice went down ur throat ok?! haha. a lot of my coke went down EVRYONE's throat. haha.. so fun yar.
dens. setup finished.. had a little little bit of bee hoon. but i din eat much cos. i drank alot of coke lar. den damn full.. culdnt eat.. so liddat lor. hahas.. last night got gastric lei. haha.. aft e "dinner", me and jt.. went to control room to get our clothes. waited for mj. den jt countdown veri accurate.. haha. we went to the den's toilet. guys one.. jt and mj bathe first.. den.. jt finish quite quickly. i only brought my facial foam.. gel.. and of course, av "uniform" which is av shirt and long pants. lol.
lent jt my facial foam.. he comes out, i go in. only have two cubicals. and mj takes long time. haha.. e water was dammmn cold lor! lol. haha.. funfair sia. bathe bathe.. den i finish liao hor, mj haven finish yet sia. lol.. he powdering himself.. haha.. funny. nevermind. =D relax. haha. so end up arnd 7.20 liaos.
received call frm joshua. "eugene.. how to turn on fountain lights. none of us knoe.." " ask cheong yew" "ok. *pant pant* he doesnt kno" "oh shucks. i'll be right down to see what i can do abt it" "ok." *beep beep*
so me and jt chiong to control room. i dunno abt mj leh. lol. i throw my shirt an shorts, OH fuck. they're still in muah bag. --". ok. nvm. i throw my facial foam, shirt and shorts on my bag. take gel, chiong toilet. gel gel abit, ok liao! chiong!! go back cr last time. with jt. throw gel on e heap of m clothes, den locked up with jt. we culd hear the CO playing already. damn. started liao.
we chiong down. go liaos hor, den.. listen to them play.. ehh.. meimeis! wanted to hug u all and encourage u all, u all disappear where?! diao. maybe i late lar. haha. sorrie. =P. aniwaes.. listen.. den mj go and do mic changes.. feedback a lil here and there.. ok ok la. =P. but got lighting problems at first, the co members cant see their pu[scores] so..we used the cycoramas. fun! haha. long time nv use that one liao leh. p. veri damn bright. well.. put on ground level also no use, cos the chairs will block.. den the ppl sit down also shadow until wad liao. so we put it up at the "LIGHTING CONSOLE" aka cy's area. haha. cool...so.. it went quite well..
end of concert. "and we'd *SHARP FEEDBACK* oww.. we'd like to thank the av crew for their utmost professionalism." we, being the av crew, clap clap clap. i scream.. scream.. den i realise i the onli one screaming. argh. lol.like. all looking at me. =p. aniwaes.. joshua, they thanked us. thats good. lol. I LOVE CO! LOVE CO! they're like. the only cca that gives us credit. after a performance.. lol. i love co. not a joke.. lol..
aft the performance.. argh packup. well. =). me and josh went to art rm there.. wanted to look for meimeis. den hug them. but they having briefing or smt.. so we chiong back to the ampitheatre.. packup. saw germaine leh. haha.. wanted to go and hug. budden like veri awkward. aniwae her parents are waiting at e foyer or smt. haha. so let that go. den packup. i think i was in hall when qiujin pased the fone to chormiang. so din get a chance to hug her. haha. nvm.. packup.. intro joshua to some equipment.. that reminds me. i need to be in school.. noo.. lol.x at 11.45 to do av. well. ok then. i blog finish first. i nid to put joshua on duty for teachers day..
well.. ok.. den we went to bedok mac.. eat.. lol. i think stomach cramp veri pain. gastric paiins. lol. nvm. now ok liao.jus hungry. ok.den joshua's mom sent me home.. so cool. thanks..
ok ok. now for feelings. i think last night was done ok. not say.. excellent. but ok. cos got fb and more fb la. lol. gt one part emcee mic leh!? aww.. ming jie... orr horr.. lol. ok la.
den joshua. finally. u joined av.. tentative as it is, i dont think u'll leave. lol. its gonna be fun. =P.but u have to get used to not getting credits la.. =). do it for ur own guts, ur own pride. yaya. haha. if u have any questions can ask me or jt.. argh well. just a slight overview for u. if u wanna ask questions for diff departments, can look for these ppl.
sound: joon tat, chor miang, ming jie.
lighting: daniel ho, wai khang.
media[is this going to be abolished or what?]: ming jie, daryl.
backstage: rolland, wei choy.
followspot[trackspot]: si hui, michelle.
management: joon tat, me.
anything abt av can ask these few listed above. shld be able to ans ur questions.
oh well. i'll post agn tonight. fuck gonna be late. cya people. oh yes,
darling leaving for indonesia today. coming back on sunday or monday.. going to miss u like what.. crazy.. insanity.. argh. jus going to miss u so much.. muakx.. i love u..
eugene.
before i forget, i wanna thank joon tat. for saving me. i think if had not said STOP, i wuld have been run over by that car. thanks joon tat.
Posted at 12:16 pm by MagiCbeGiNz
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