Saturday, September 18, 2004
why cant i concentrate studying?
well.. today.. is a beautiful day. the birds are chirping. and trees are swaying. and im looking into the sky playing my guitar.the skies are blue, i see u once again, my love. over seas from coast to coast. to find the place i love the most, where the fields are green. i see u once again.. my love.
any of u remember that song? its westlife - my love. i guess what i realli need is a place to call my own. where i can go to and reach out for peace. serenity. without all this human noise. i pretend to be on the cloud. looking down to earth. i see the mishaps happening.. and i wonder if life really is that beautiful. sure there are peaks at sometimes, are there negative peaks too? valleys?
question : eugene! what got into u now? why are u in this state?
answer : i dont really know either. im going to start memorising the format for my chinese letter writing later. i need some help. my compo and letter writing paper starts on monday, and i havent started revising yet. is this really ME? the same me that came into temasek sec 1 yr and 9 months ago? i dont think so.. i've changed. definately.
i come in with a blur look. i mix with the chongzheng ppl.. i stick with my own friends.. im so anti-social. was just another lost soul out in the secondary school world. look at me now.
i go to school waving here and there.. hardly mix with the CZ guys anymore.. with the exception of those who are related to me, CCA, class, psl? now my friends are.. well. just of a different calibre. i have one good friend who's exceptionally outstanding in his english language, just overly expressive. sometimes overly aggresive too. LOL. esp towards teachers.. then i have another gd friend who's always fooling around. maybe not always, but most of the time. haha.. he's very funny and a great bud to have when u need to be cheered up. =D. also, another one who's ultra strong, quite cute, but oily! haha. also another good bud to have.. nearly all of u readers shld kn who im talking about here. love all my friends!
well.. im nw changing. metamorphasis. i wanna block myself from the world and just appear anew again.. sadly it isnt possible. well. nvm..
i spent nearly the entire afternoon trying to get a song/poem out. for germaine mei.. with the help of kimberly mei. and xinyi gran was trying to help too.. i dont know why.. im in no entire way deprived of my social needs.. im in NO ABSOLUTE way lacking of friends. be it guy or girl. im absolutely not lacking there. why do i feel so lonely? i wish weichoy and changsong never sent a single sms to her using my fone. then nothing like this wld be happening. then maybe i cld concentrate doing my chinese. exams are on monday. paper 1. sian. i dun even kno my format for chinese letter writing. the format. i dont even know it. im a dead man. well i do know the format. but nt sure. i'll have to revise.
anw, i wanna say sorrie to germaine for anything i've even done to irritate u, get u into trouble, anything that made u angry with me. im so sorry. can i have my bubbly, cheerful, smiling meimei back? please? time waits for nobody. i just want to spend the remaining of my time in tms as a happy schoolboy of a fourteen yr old mentality. just to be the real who i am. to leave tms with happy memories. not broken ties and lost contacts. seeing each other only when i return to temasek sec. i wanna see all of u in my memories. this year. is coming to an end. some of u may not notice. but. its only.. 1 more month to the end of my streaming year. im going to leave Officially in less than 2 months. there are only 3 months left. school's closed during november or december this yr? O levels are when? thats when my relationship with academic temasek sec ends. i wanna be here always, to support everyone who has been there to support and give me encouragement whenever i needed it. i wanna be at a farewell party where i can just sit down and think back at the past 2 years. give a big giant hug to everyone. and have the courage to talk to a few people one on one. to say how i really felt all along. will my wish me fulfilled? that remains to be seen. i'll blog abt it when it happens. in e meantime, i hope the school does include us in Graduation Day and Grad Night. look. we're graduating frm sec sch and moving on arent we? sad as it is, its the truth. and the truth hurts. [thanks to josh that i rmbed that line]. the truth hurts.
eugene
[misses all his darling meimeis. luv all of u.]
